Lorenzo Fantera
hey me too i've almost quitted sodas and now i drink something like half a gallon (two litres) of herbal teas everyday plus 0.13 gallons (half a litre) of water everyday and drinking these things is soooo gooooooood but the only problem is that now i make a lot of pee and so when i'm out of my house i could feel the sudden urge to pee and so i lately did some comic runs in the search of a bar, restsurant or another place to pee legally or hiddenly
Favorite track: Cornelius' Birthday.
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Hey! If you are reading this, you most likely saw that I released a new song. Thanks for being here. It’s been a while since I’ve made any kind of detailed post about anything relating to this project. I wanted to cover a few things, so thanks again for taking the time.
I’ve been quiet for a while, and from what I’ve seen and read from a lot of you, people have been curious. I’m still here! Since the band stopped being a thing at the end of 2022, I was making music solo again up until the end of 2023. In that timeframe, many things have changed, and I thought it would be nice to cover that and close the book on that chapter.
To be straightforward, at the end of 2022 false accusations and allegations were made about me and posted online. I’ve never talked publicly about it, and I do not plan to. If you ever come across people discussing the intimate details regarding that, keep in mind that is in violation of a court-protected document that was mutually agreed upon and legally bound. No one is supposed to talk about those details. As well as that, and for the sake of mine and everyone else’s privacy, I’m just not going to talk about it. That point in my life was a really difficult time for me and other people involved.
A lot of people, both people who knew about the situation and people who did not, have wondered what happened to me and what I’ve been up to. I’d like to take some time to talk about that to those of you who’ve been curious.
Some of you have wondered why I’ve never talked about any of this before. With all of the inquiries as well as angry reactions and gossip, and considering the situation I found myself in while still trying to manage my own physical and mental health, I found it all too much to handle on my own. I tried my best. That’s all I can do for myself and for others.
I should have handled some interactions and conversations at that point in my life differently, but with all of those elements previously mentioned, I tried my best to handle it all and do the right thing.
To those I have hurt, upset, or disappointed: I hope one day you can find it in your hearts to allow me the opportunity to make it up to you. I truly wish some of you gave me the time and space to tell my side of the story and communicate my feelings, as well as my attempts to make amends with some of you. Because I truly did try to do those things. It was ultimately frustrating and sad for me to be turned away without any closure.
I do not intend to go through this life hurting the people who are close to me. I acknowledge that I have hurt people, just as many people have also hurt me. That’s the price of existing, it can’t be helped at all whether people intend to hurt or not. But despite those things, I am willing and able and capable to make amends with those who I’ve hurt, and I would like to do that. I understand for some of you, I am not a person you want to talk to or even have back in your life. And that is ok, and I am ok with those possibilities and I respect that. For what it’s worth, I am sorry.
To those who want to keep talking about all of this drama without any means towards restorative justice or towards reconciliation and healing: please stay out of my life. Many people have talked openly about my situation and gossiped and spread all kinds of hurtful things about me and my past, to which many of those people know nothing about me as a person or the situation I was in. You can’t have such a strong conviction about something you know nothing about. I never wanted to hurt or upset people, but I understand that at times in my past I have. I’m sorry if I have done that to you or have done something that made you feel that way. But I’m not going to explain myself to anyone who doesn’t truly want to understand and who are going to mock and ridicule me despite what I tell them and my intentions to heal with them. For many of those people, harassing me and ostracizing me and posting online about me was never about “healing” or “community” or whatever term fake progressives want to use to rationalize their behaviors. You just wanted to hurt me, and you are undeserving.
I am closing the book on that forever now. Unless you and I have something unresolved from our past together that you would like to work on with me, I’m not going to discuss this anymore.
On a different note, I’d like to wrap this up with a little bit about me:
Since the Spring months of 2023, I have been living closer to family. I don’t live in Oregon anymore, but I miss all of my friends and family who still live there! It was a super hard transition, and as you may have seen from previous releases I made, I was going through a lot. Throughout the time from when I moved away to my last song in December of 2023, I have been working hard on myself. I have been actively working on my mental and physical health and have a care team of professionals that I see regularly to tend to my needs and growth. I have been reconciling a lot of past trauma and pain in therapy as well as in the community of others that are close to me.
More recently, in the last 5 months, I have been going to the gym regularly and exercising. I’ve lost some weight and I feel so much better in my body than I ever have before! I’ve been eating a mostly vegan/vegetarian diet, and I only drink water or tea now. I’ve completely cut out junk food and soda.
All of these things have led to me feeling so much more regulated and grounded in my life. I feel stronger, more confident, and in-tune with my emotions. This all has been very hard, but it wouldn’t be worthwhile if it was easy.
I work at a game store with my friends now and have been working there almost a full year. It’s been pretty fun and I’m surrounded by lots of nostalgic stuff from my childhood at the store.
I am also in a relationship with my partner. We are very happy together, and they are incredibly sweet to me. We have two cats together and spend a lot of our free time making and experiencing art and each other’s cultures. They inspire me and we have learned a lot from each other! They have been helping me learn Finnish, and along with that I have been able to practice other languages I have learned throughout my life. They want me to teach them Spanish, which excites me. We have lots of goals that we want to accomplish together, and I am looking forward to them.
I haven’t been actively working on music as much since I moved. I have a couple secret projects (beyond To Be Gentle and Trauma Sounds), and maybe you’ll find those one day! In the past few weeks though, I have picked my guitar back up and have been writing a bit! I’ve gotten back into playing drums too, which has been very gratifying and fun to say the least.
The last thing I want to touch up on (it almost escaped me, but I figured I’d just squeeze this in at the end) is further contact with all of you. I have received an incredible amount of emails from people, regarding all kinds of things. Thank you for thinking of me and the music! All of your support and love is truly appreciated. I’m sorry for never responding, but do know I read every email and appreciate getting them. I hope you understand, but I’ll answer most of those emails here: To Be Gentle will never play shows again, and I personally do not plan on returning to any kind of live music scene to perform, in any capacity. To Be Gentle is not going to be releasing any new merchandise or physical media. I’m sure there are a few labels/people on the secondhand market out there who have stuff they’d be willing to offload for free or sell. I personally do not own any single piece of To Be Gentle merch or media anymore, so I’m sorry to say I don’t have anything to give you myself. And finally, if this post wasn’t already confirmation, yes I am ok. I am doing much better than before, and am feeling better than I ever have in my life the past few months. Moving forward, if you ever do hear from me it will be here on Bandcamp. Please do not email me about anything pertaining to the aforementioned topics in this post, as well as inquiries about my personal contact information such as my phone number, email, or social media accounts. If you have an email inquiry regarding anything else though, feel free to let me know. I promise I’ll be better at responding to those!
I have more progress to make, mentally, physically, and emotionally, but I know with time I will soon get to the place I want to be. I am very proud of myself and of how much I have learned and grown! I’m not sure if I’ll release more tunes for To Be Gentle. Most likely I will, but the output will probably be extremely limited, relative to the frequency of output in the past.
Thanks for reading. Stay safe and be well, and be kind to each other. Eve (Jake)
lyrics
Cornelius! It is your birthday
I love you
And I hope that today
Is a day you can feel like yourself
And be surrounded by those who love you
This is what I say:
I need you
And you are my best friend
Without you
I feel lesser than
And you just know the right ways to make me smile
Even now as I write this, I feel this love
You are the blood in my veins
And I am the stuffing in your plushie skin
These were always love songs
And I am honored I can dedicate this one to you
I will always love you
We hope to perform with this band one day. Some of the best to do it! There is something so special and unique that we find in their sound; it is perfectly satisfactory. To Be Gentle
